Discontentment and the Single Girl

Ok...so it's nitty gritty, ain't really gonna like it truth time. Lately I've been very discontent with my singleness. There I said it. I admit it. I don't like being single. But honestly who does?

Misery loves company right?? Well, that company has included several weddings and a few bridal showers over the last few months. While I'm happy for my friends who are married/getting married, I can't help but be slightly bummed--no, discontented--because I want it too. I want to meet my Prince Charming, my Knight in Shining Armor. Sometimes it takes a literal slap in the face from God to realize that I have--in Him.

Well, let's start off with how the slap in the face started. My dear friend Missy came to visit me to see the "big girl apartment". Missy has spent the entire summer at a Fuge camp in New Mexico. (Missy, correct me if the location is wrong!) I love our times when we get to talk about what God has been doing in our lives, and it never fails, that it's going to happen when we get together at some point. Another thing that is going to happen is talking about boys--duh!

Well yesterday, the boys talk and the God talk kinda meshed into one whole talking. We started talking about our respective boy situations--or lack thereof. Missy mentioned that the theme of the summer had been having faith and using it in everyday life. One of the days or weeks had the theme "Faith to Wait". That phrase really struck home with me. Do I have the faith to wait for God? Do I have faith to wait and see?

For those who know me, waiting is NOT something I've ever done well!! Ask my mom, for the week before Christmas, I'm always asking for clues to what I'm getting for Christmas--and sometimes I blatantly ask, "So, what am I getting this year?" Needless to say, waiting has never been a virtue I possess. It's trait I envy and strive to obtain

So, for most of the day I mulled over that phrase and Jeremiah 29:11.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future..."

And then last night while I was going to bed, I was reading in my daily devotional magazine. I read the devotional for yesterday entitled "Lunch Lady". The last part of the devotional stuck with me. "Although we might not always feel taht our jobs are significant, God has a plan for us and sees value int he work that we do." I love the fact that God knows what I'm supposed to do, but sometimes I feel the call is breaking up when He tries to show it to me!

So the part that REALLY got me about yesterday was this article that I read in the same devotional magazine. The title caught me and so I decided to read it--The Season of My Discontent. I'm discontent with my season in life right now, and decided I should read it. The author wasn't talking about singleness (shocker), but she was talkinga bout being happy for other people when they're getting what you want.

Lord, I get sick of being happy for other people, I complained. Then I wondered, Does anyone else ever get tired of being happy for other people?...Then I felt discontentment tugging at my heart as I thought about the church across town that was growing in leaps and bounds. Our church, where my husband had been called as pastor, seemed to be struggling to grow at a snail's pace. But this is where the Lord led us, isn't it? I reminded myself. Doubts and "what ifs" began to flood my mind. My heart began to question everything. Then that still small voice began to whisper to my troubled spirit...I reached for my Bible and I looked up the verse that had been in my mind all day: "Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15). Maybe I didn't know that verse quite asa well as I thought I did. I had forgotten the ending: "weep with those who weep".

Sounds like me a lot lately. I want to be happy for my friends who have gotten/are getting married. Now I can be, and not feel guilty about it. Now I know it is okay to be happy when someone else is getting something I want. Then God started showing me that, right now, for me, marriage isn't what I need. I have too much to accomplish before then. I want a closer walk with God, I want to see parts of the world, I want to live in New York City. I want to be on my own--completely and totally--for at least a year before I settle down and get married and have kids.

You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You were on the throne
You are God alone